...no matter where you start...

Question: How do you start a new normal when you can't say goodbye to the old normal? Answer: I honestly don't know. Leaving the old normal behind is so extremely painful that it seems almost easier to dwell in it. There is not a second of each day that I don't think of Barett. Traveling on the road reminds me of him and all the places we went together, songs on the radio remind me of him, animals remind me of him, Easton reminds me of him, flowers and plants remind me of him, Quick Trip signs remind me of him, fire trucks and ambulances remind me of him, EVERYTHING reminds me of him, I could go on and on. Literally there is something every second of every day that reminds me of him. This week there hasn't been a day where I haven't cried majority of the day. How do you move on and find a new normal when you literally can't let go of the past? I know I will always have the memories but sometimes that just sucks because I don't want the memories I just ...

"Grief comes in waves...today I feel like I am drowning" I came across this quote as I was scrolling through Pinterest this morning trying to keep my mind occupied from the emotions I could feel inside. Emotions that I just really did not want to let out for fear that I would be a crying mess all day long.  Well, I should have known better because its just not that easy to ignore the grief that I  feel inside.  Some days its easier to deal with than others but it always comes back and some days it completely overwhelms.  Today is one of those overwhelming days.  This quote described my emotions perfectly.  Grief is in so many ways like the ocean coming in and out in waves with some days feeling like the tide is so strong that it will completely take you under and there is no hope of getting back to the surface....  BUT then GOD. As I was drowning in my grief, I just felt like hiding.  I wanted to lay in my bed and just go to sleep so maybe ...