Ready or Not...2018

Well it’s New Years Eve....this time last year Barett and I dropped Easton off at my parents house and went on a much needed date night. We had planned on using our gift cards we had gotten from Christmas to go see a movie at the new Ovation theatre in Snellville. When we got there we soon realized the movie was sold out and since it was New Year’s Eve we didn’t want to see a late movie because we wanted to get back home and spend it with Easton celebrating the new year as a family of 3. We ended up eating dinner and going to Gander Mountain to look around...this was one of our last real date nights together. Oh how I would do anything for him to walk in the door and tell me this has all been a bad dream. What I would give to see his face and hug him tightly. The holidays have been so hard but this New Year’s Eve, I’m struggling. I’m ready for a new year because the pain 2017 has brought has been the worst...but I’m not ready to leave 2017 behind either. The closer we get to 1 year without Barett, the reality comes that no longer I will have those “last year Barett and I” memories. Yes, I will ALWAYS have the memories but those memories get further away from my current reality. And it’s a hard feeling to explain.  People say time heals but time really brings on more struggles, more heartaches, more things that I am reminded of that I can no longer do with my husband or our family of 3.  Don’t get me wrong, Easton and I have HAD to move on and we’ve had laughs and lots of smiles through the struggles but I have learned that grief never really completely goes away it shows up when you feel your ok and then it completely rocks your whole world. Easton and I are blessed. We are grateful and encouraged by the people who have loved us through the pain. Our family and friends who have been there through it all, who have supported us even on the days I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around. This year people have told me I am strong. I can honestly say strong is not a word that I have felt. The only reason I’m surviving is because of God, Easton, and all of you who have prayed and continue to pray us through this heartache. This year my focus is on Jesus. My focus is on relationships. My focus is on continuing to heal and learning how to create a life that is so very different from what was. 2018 is coming whether I’m ready or not because so is life...ready or not.........Happy New Year to each and every one of you. We love you all more than you could ever imagine!❤️







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