PSALM 56:8
Well, here I am again. Its been over a week since I have blogged. Mostly because everyday is about the same, every day I miss Barett, every day I am sad, and every day I long for my old life back. So why continue to write day after day about the same old depressing thing? Why share with everyone that every day I am sad? The last thing I want is for people to feel sorry for me. So this week every time I have attempted to post something on here, I haven't. The reason I am posting on here tonight is because this week I have learned IT IS OK TO BE SAD, just like it is ok to be happy. Being true to yourself and your emotions doesn't make you weak. When we are going through a difficult time in our lives (no matter what it may be) we often try to hide our emotions so others won't see us hurt. We often say we are "fine" when we are not, and we definitely don't want anyone to see us cry. Why is that? Why does it seem as if it is so unacceptable to cry in public? Why does crying make other people feel uncomfortable? Why does it make us feel uncomfortable?
One day this week (I can't remember the exact day, they all run together these days) I felt the tears coming because of something as small as not being able to find a certain shirt because my life has been turned upside down and Easton and I are living with my parents. Now before I continue, let me just say how extremely grateful I am that my parents have opened up there home for us to come stay for a while. Anyway, on this particular day in the week I felt the tears coming and I immediately wanted to leave the house, I didn't want anyone to see me cry, not even my mom so I got in my car and went to Walmart because "Easton needed more baby food." As I "ugly cried" the whole way to Walmart, I soon realized when I got there I would have to get out and if my face was red still from crying, everyone would know. So what did I do? I turned the air on cold and sat in my car at Walmart trying to keep my mind on something that wouldn't make me cry more so my face wouldn't be red when I went into the store. I probably sat in my car for an extra 20 minutes....I mean seriously? How ridiculous is this...but, I have a feeling I am not the only person who has done this.
I don't know why we hide our sadness from others. Maybe it's because we don't want to open up, or maybe it's because we don't want them to think any less of us, I still don't really know....but I do know that there are people who care and who want to help, they just don't know how until we do open up and tell them how we feel. Sometimes just talking helps our sadness. It has helped me, but sometimes I am not very good at it because I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over...so I stop talking about it and keep it to myself. The purpose of this post is to tell you, that if you are sad, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and its OK. I'm still learning this too so don't worry if your unsure about it. It does help to talk. I can tell you the best listener is God. If you open up to him and let him in, he will carry you through your sadness. He is the greatest comforter I know. In fact, this week, a sweet friend sent me a devotional book. One of the first devotionals in the book is about how your tears matter to God. (I mean seriously, isn't his timing perfect) ...So what does that tell you? Is it ok to be sad? Is it ok to cry? ABSOLUTELY. God does not dismiss our tears, they are precious to him because we are precious to him. God doesn't ignore our tears either. Isaiah 25:8 says "The sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears." All I can say is THANK YOU LORD!
One day this week (I can't remember the exact day, they all run together these days) I felt the tears coming because of something as small as not being able to find a certain shirt because my life has been turned upside down and Easton and I are living with my parents. Now before I continue, let me just say how extremely grateful I am that my parents have opened up there home for us to come stay for a while. Anyway, on this particular day in the week I felt the tears coming and I immediately wanted to leave the house, I didn't want anyone to see me cry, not even my mom so I got in my car and went to Walmart because "Easton needed more baby food." As I "ugly cried" the whole way to Walmart, I soon realized when I got there I would have to get out and if my face was red still from crying, everyone would know. So what did I do? I turned the air on cold and sat in my car at Walmart trying to keep my mind on something that wouldn't make me cry more so my face wouldn't be red when I went into the store. I probably sat in my car for an extra 20 minutes....I mean seriously? How ridiculous is this...but, I have a feeling I am not the only person who has done this.
I don't know why we hide our sadness from others. Maybe it's because we don't want to open up, or maybe it's because we don't want them to think any less of us, I still don't really know....but I do know that there are people who care and who want to help, they just don't know how until we do open up and tell them how we feel. Sometimes just talking helps our sadness. It has helped me, but sometimes I am not very good at it because I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over...so I stop talking about it and keep it to myself. The purpose of this post is to tell you, that if you are sad, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and its OK. I'm still learning this too so don't worry if your unsure about it. It does help to talk. I can tell you the best listener is God. If you open up to him and let him in, he will carry you through your sadness. He is the greatest comforter I know. In fact, this week, a sweet friend sent me a devotional book. One of the first devotionals in the book is about how your tears matter to God. (I mean seriously, isn't his timing perfect) ...So what does that tell you? Is it ok to be sad? Is it ok to cry? ABSOLUTELY. God does not dismiss our tears, they are precious to him because we are precious to him. God doesn't ignore our tears either. Isaiah 25:8 says "The sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears." All I can say is THANK YOU LORD!
Been there, done that! I know exactly what you mean about trying to hide your tears. I don't really know why it is either. Maybe we don't want people to think we are weak. We want to look like we have it all together. We don't want people to feel sorry for us. We know we look like a hot mess. I love that you are learning it is okay to be sad. I think if you weren't feeling emotion that would not be good. Let yourself continue to feel and express all these different emotions. I have never experienced loss like you, but I assume it is all part of the grieving process. Keep sharing how you feel, even if it is the same words every single day. This site is for you as much as it is anyone else. Know that you are loved and prayed for!
ReplyDelete