HOPE
I wish I could write and say that every day it gets a little easier. I wish I could say that there has been at least 1 day where I have went all day without crying, but its just not that easy. I have been told to be honest with my feelings and to be honest I'm not very good at that part. I so badly want to say I'm okay and seriously mean it when others ask, but I often say I'm okay when I'm really dying on the inside. There is only 3 words that completely sum up how I'm feeling and its always I MISS BARETT so much (okay maybe there are 5 words).
When Barett and I decided on forever we meant it. I remember during our pre-marriage counseling our preacher asking us both why we wanted to get married. Our answers were about the same...."he/she completes me, and I cant imagine life without him/her." When we decided to get married we knew we were becoming "one." When I hurt, he hurt, and when he was happy so was I. We shared some amazing memories together. Our marriage wasn't perfect and we both had our struggles but one thing we both were sure of was that he completed me, I completed him and we couldn't imagine life without each other. The day Barett died, so did a part of me. Losing a spouse is one of the hardest things I think anyone can go through. Not only are you losing your best friend, and your forever, but you also lose a part of yourself. On Feb. 15th my life completely changed and it will never be the same. I completely changed and I will never be the same. That is some scary stuff. I see the world differently than I did before. Time is so precious, pictures are precious, memories are precious, and people are precious. You learn not to take even the littlest things for granted (like the number of calls or texts you receive from your loved one on a daily basis, or just a simple hug and kiss goodbye). You have two choices when darkness consumes your life....you can either give up, or you can trust that even through the darkness there will be light. My light is my God, and I am going to trust him through this storm. If Barett could send me a text message or a phone call from heaven I know he would tell me to trust God because his plans are far bigger than we could ever imagine. (He would also tell me how many bucks he has shot and how many fish he has caught.. 😊) Barett knows of these plans because he is in paradise living them out. While I long to be with Barett in paradise, I know God isn't finished with me here on Earth, and he has a purpose and plan for me and Easton. I honestly don't know what my purpose and plan is yet and I still don't understand why this all had to happen but If this had to happen, I hope something good comes from it. I hope this heartbreak leads others to Jesus so that one day we can all be in paradise together. I hope others know that no matter what they are going through, there is a God who will light up the darkness if you let him in. Whatever your going through know that he will never leave you. Even when he doesn't seem present in your life, HE IS. "We have this hope and an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19 I love and miss my husband more than words can even express, and I long for the day when I will see him again. Until then, I'm holding on to the hope and promises of God.
When Barett and I decided on forever we meant it. I remember during our pre-marriage counseling our preacher asking us both why we wanted to get married. Our answers were about the same...."he/she completes me, and I cant imagine life without him/her." When we decided to get married we knew we were becoming "one." When I hurt, he hurt, and when he was happy so was I. We shared some amazing memories together. Our marriage wasn't perfect and we both had our struggles but one thing we both were sure of was that he completed me, I completed him and we couldn't imagine life without each other. The day Barett died, so did a part of me. Losing a spouse is one of the hardest things I think anyone can go through. Not only are you losing your best friend, and your forever, but you also lose a part of yourself. On Feb. 15th my life completely changed and it will never be the same. I completely changed and I will never be the same. That is some scary stuff. I see the world differently than I did before. Time is so precious, pictures are precious, memories are precious, and people are precious. You learn not to take even the littlest things for granted (like the number of calls or texts you receive from your loved one on a daily basis, or just a simple hug and kiss goodbye). You have two choices when darkness consumes your life....you can either give up, or you can trust that even through the darkness there will be light. My light is my God, and I am going to trust him through this storm. If Barett could send me a text message or a phone call from heaven I know he would tell me to trust God because his plans are far bigger than we could ever imagine. (He would also tell me how many bucks he has shot and how many fish he has caught.. 😊) Barett knows of these plans because he is in paradise living them out. While I long to be with Barett in paradise, I know God isn't finished with me here on Earth, and he has a purpose and plan for me and Easton. I honestly don't know what my purpose and plan is yet and I still don't understand why this all had to happen but If this had to happen, I hope something good comes from it. I hope this heartbreak leads others to Jesus so that one day we can all be in paradise together. I hope others know that no matter what they are going through, there is a God who will light up the darkness if you let him in. Whatever your going through know that he will never leave you. Even when he doesn't seem present in your life, HE IS. "We have this hope and an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19 I love and miss my husband more than words can even express, and I long for the day when I will see him again. Until then, I'm holding on to the hope and promises of God.
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